Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah