I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.