You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
this is an emotional support booty call
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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