So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
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Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.