I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this boner is exhausting
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
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We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.