i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
