guess who came home with a hottie last night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.