I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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