4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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