we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
