she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
