So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
