Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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