shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
