Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
