just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
how does that bad decision feel?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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