His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
