The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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