Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
