I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
