Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you still have your period?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
