Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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