I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
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The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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