Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
too bad you live with your parents still
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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