I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
