so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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