..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
