One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
