So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
