please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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