I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
