I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
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My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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