He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
