So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
