But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
