the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
