Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
