Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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