hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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