Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
