I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
