she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
