cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
