fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
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i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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