Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
