Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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