"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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