We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
