I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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