Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
