My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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