toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
