Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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