I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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