Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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