I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
