so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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