Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
