I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
