I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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