remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
