Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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