As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
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We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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