Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
