i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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