Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
