we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
