if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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