Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
