Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
