apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
