You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
