from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Holy shit dude........stairs
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
