If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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