:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize