he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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