they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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