I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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