your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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