another moral hangover. fuck.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
