I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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