I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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