I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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