He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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