I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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