The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
