I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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