I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
