I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
