You're so nebulous sometimes
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
