i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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